My Own Meadow

THANK YOU! :D

2009-02-08T03:41:47Z

Thank you to the person who gave me an LJ paid time extension! What a nice surprise! (I'd love to do something for you, if you want to let me know. I'll screen comments in case. :D) I really appreciate it.

And mickeym, thank you so much for the v-gift candy hearts. I love those! :D

A belated thank you to annkiri for the yellow rose. There was no slogging--I enjoyed every minute! <3

I am terribly absent right now, but I am trying to read my flist at least once a day so that i can keep up with everyone! Love you guys!

Poll!

2009-01-08T19:03:14Z

Omg, this is the best poll ever. :D

linaerys 's Top of the Tops, Bottom of the Bottoms, part 2

(Includes crack pairings of all kinds: SPN, SGA, Burn Notice, Ocean's 11, RPF, Dr Who, House, Smallville, Heroes, BtVS, Merlin, HP, and more!!!)

Merlin Comm

2009-01-07T21:13:44Z

For Merlin recs (fics, vids, art, etc.), visit attheroundtable !

Doh!

2009-01-06T20:01:48Z

Fics: To everyone who replied to the last fic I posted (Sam/Dean with the Ruby POV), thank you very much for the lovely comments. I really appreciate them. Several people left very encouraging thoughts, and I hate that I can't reply to the them. I somehow managed to delete the entire entry--fic, comments and all. I also deleted the emailed comments, so... *facepalm* Anyway, I'm not ignoring comments, I'm just behind, and incompetent with LJ! :D

Shows: Entourage! causeways , I'm watching this show on your recommendation, and I could not be happier! It's not something I'll be fannish about, but it's so well done--I feel like I'm watching a movie, and it's something that my husband will watch with me. I think the Ari character is my favorite so far. :D :D :D I smile every time I think about it! :D

Books: I just finished reading Revolutionary Road, by Richard Yates. I'll admit that I only discovered it because Kate Winslet was on the cover (yes, I'm shallow). I read it, and wow. It's a commentary on suburban life in the 1950s, but it's told from the POV of a couple who feel like they're above the fray, superior to all those cookie-cutter couples around them. They are spectacularly unhappy as individuals, as well as being dissatisfied with life in general, and they make each other miserable. It was interesting, because I disliked both characters, yet read the book really quickly and enjoyed it. The author's descriptions are so intense--I've never read a book quite like it. The movie is coming out soon--here's the trailer.

2009!

2009-01-01T20:18:02Z

Happy New Year!!!

I finished watching Merlin. I really liked it, which surprised me, because I've always liked Bernard Cornwell's take on the Arthurian Legend. His trilogy (The Winter King, Enemy of God (one of the best books I've read), and Excalibur) is SO different from the angle the show takes. The books are set around 500 A.D., and there's no magic. Merlin is considered a magician, but nothing supernatural actually happens, and the focus of the books is more on Arthur, from the POV of Derfel, one of his soldiers. The stories are gritty and miserable and real, filled with damp weather, betrayals, and bloody battles with Saxons. Good stuff!

Anyway, the show is vastly different, yet totally endearing and fun to watch.

Why do so many people not like crossovers? I've seen many people say, "Well, I don't read crossovers..."

I haven't read many, because I'm not familiar with most fandoms (I've never seen Buffy or Dark Angel, or X-Files, etc), but I've read a few lately, and I am ADDICTED. I read an SGA/original Star Trek crossover that I LOVED, and the Merlin/SGA fusion that I read recently nearly sent me into orbit. Oh, and I once read a really interesting Heroes/SPN crossover. And astolat's Old Country, which was a SPN/Harry Potter crossover, was amazing. Maybe the key is knowing both sets of characters?

View Poll: Crossovers

Holiday movie 2008=yes

2008-12-27T02:18:46Z

A belated thank you to mickeym for the candy cane, and thank you to deirdre_c for the hot chocolate! MMMM :D leighm, I still can't believe I have all these userpic spaces!!! :D

Viewing: I am on episode 5 of Merlin.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a truly lovely movie. *sniffle*

Pimp time!

2008-12-17T21:55:12Z

More fun than you can have with skinmags and shaving gel!

Happy Birthday!!!!

2008-11-29T13:36:51Z

Happy Birthday to thehighwaywoman!!! I hope you have a great day!

BURNING QUESTION!!!!

2008-11-26T15:15:36Z

I first saw the phrasing about two months ago, in a fic, and now I see it everywhere! Is it an internet thing? Some sort of pop culture reference that I missed?!?!?! HELP!

It's always along the lines of: X Character is X (the first adjective is repeated again after the noun)--for example: Enthusiastic Dean is enthusiastic. Or careful Sam is careful. Or crazy fangirl is crazy.

What is it? Where did it come from? Anyone? :D :D :D

Happy Birthday!!!!

2008-11-26T06:08:54Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY mickeym !!!!!!!!!

I hope you have a LOVELY day! :D :D :D

EEEE!!! Star Trek!

2008-11-18T03:29:06Z

I watched the original Star Trek as a child. And now... SPOCK! KIRK!

TRAILERS FOR THE NEW MOVIE OMG!!!

Is this weird?

2008-10-26T21:12:59Z

Thank you mickeym for the 'my little pony', and thank you rejeneration for the daisy!

I've never seen an episode of Stargate Atlantis. I had to Google John and Rodney to know one from the other.

But I was in the mood for some plotty sci-fi fic, and luckily, kashmir1 has a recs list (a lovely list, btw, Jules). The fics are really really good, even though I don't have a CLUE about the canon. LOL. :D

*must decide about Nano*

My Remix Fic

2008-10-22T15:28:56Z

In all the excitement of last week, I forgot to post the remix fic that I wrote!

Remix Title: Flicker
Remix Author:aynslee
Original Story: Where the Frightened Crawl
Original Author:poisontaster
Rating: R
Pairings: Sam/Dean
Summary: Dean fights for his connection to Sam.
Warnings: None

Flicker

Remix Reveal

2008-10-16T00:42:23Z

nu_breed wrote the remix of my fic (which I love very much). I had no idea! :D :D :D Gods of Cruel Design

Fic: They Have No Rest (Sam/Dean, R) 4.04 Coda

2008-10-14T03:58:30Z

Title: They Have No Rest
Author: aynslee
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: R
Beta: leighm
Wordcount: 2,032
Spoilers: YES, through 4.04
Summary: 4.04 Coda
Warnings: TOTALLY SELF-INDULGENT. CRYING. Totally. Not kidding about that.
Notes: Thank you annkiri and girlmostlikely for cheerleading! Thanks to everyone who voted in my poll. I ended up just letting the fic write itself, with absolutely no plan in place, but I appreciate all of your input! (It turned out to be an established relationship fic.)

Why stop naming the fics with Revelation quotes now?!? 3 in a row!
And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image. -Revelation, 14.11

They Have No Rest

Sam holds it together while they're in the car. He doesn't cry and his voice doesn't waver, and most importantly, when he tells Dean he's done using his powers, he means it.

He holds it together while they park, while they check in, but once they're in the room, he can't hold it together anymore.

He stands frozen in the doorway while Dean tosses his bag on the bed, and he's reminded of Dean gathering his clothes up, saying he might as well leave Sam alone with Ruby. He knows Dean wasn't actually going to leave—Sam's always been the one who was willing to pack up his stuff and stomp out—but the threat, and Dean's words, hurt in a way that Dean's punches never could.

There are still things he hasn't told Dean, things he can't say. Two weeks after Dean died, Sam ran out of money. He didn't even realize it until he was standing in a shabby motel office, waiting to check in. Ruby waltzed in wearing her new body and stared the clerk down until he handed Sam a key.

Sam protested, argued with her, told her to get lost.

"Because credit card scams are so much better?" She'd rolled her eyes. "You want to take the high road? Fine. But don't come whining to me when you can't get Dean back." Then she disappeared for two more weeks.

He's still standing in the doorway, and Dean's staring at him with open concern. Sam can't stand that look on his brother's face. The one that's a mixture of hope and fear and guilt, and Sam has to get away. Now. He swipes the bottle of whiskey they carry for anesthetic and takes it into the bathroom, tips it up, and drinks straight out of bottle.

He strips his clothes off, turns the shower on, lets it get hot, almost scalding.

He didn't cry the entire time Dean was gone. He doesn't mean to cry now, but the tears come anyway.

He's on his ass in the shower, hair hanging in his face when hears a light knock on the door. "Sam?"

He doesn't answer. He doesn't feel like yelling, and there's no way he can get up.

The knocks get louder, along with Dean's voice. "If you don't answer, I'm coming in there."

The door opens, and then Dean's yanking the shower curtain aside.

"Sam?" Dean lowers his voice. "You sick?"

Sam can tell from the tone in Dean's voice that he's nervous, panicked. He wishes that he wasn't the one who caused it.

"You should have left me dead." Sam knows Dean's gearing up to cut him off, and he holds his hand up. "Everyone would be better off. Dad wanted me dead, other hunters want me dead, now heaven wants me dead." Some part of Sam knows that he's contorting the words, but the other part, the part that's sad and miserable, doesn't care.

"Sam." Dean is bending over him now. "Please."

"Please what? You know it's true." Sam leans his head against the off-white tile. "You said yourself that you'd be hunting me. Maybe you should just take me out now."

Before the last word's out Sam's mouth, Dean's hands are gripping his arms, dragging him up and hauling him out of the shower. "We're not doing this again. One drunken ramble from you is enough."

Dean guides him to the edge of the bed closest to the wall, sits him down, still dripping. He's all business as he crouches in front of Sam and takes Sam's face in his hands, staring straight at him. "Let's get something straight. I don't care if God himself tells me to kill you. It's not gonna happen."

Sam looks down, watches the water stain the comforter. "Maybe it should."

"Sam. Stop it."

Sam meets Dean's eyes again. It's really not fair to his brother, none of this is. He never intended for him to find out. And maybe that's wrong, but this is exactly what he didn't want: his brother, angry and heartbroken, once again feeling responsible for Sam. "Why should I?"

"Because you said you're done using the powers. So there's no problem." Dean moves from his crouch and gets down on his knees in front of Sam. "I don’t want to hear you saying this shit anymore, got it?"

Sam doesn't answer, and Dean keeps talking. "I didn't mean to come down on you like that. I don't know what it was like for you."

Sam doesn't think he'll ever be able to tell Dean what it was like. Sam couldn't stand to be around the other hunters, especially not Bobby—they all reminded him of Dean. So the second time Ruby showed up, he'd been alone for a month. Long enough to go crazy—long enough that he let her in when she knocked.

Sam had glared at her. "I want him back."

She had crossed her arms and glared back, the effect softened by her new face. "I know."

"Are you going to help me?" Sam asked. "Because if you're not, you can leave now."

She'd cocked her head to the side and asked, "How far are you willing to go?"

Just thinking about it is enough to take Sam back to those early days, and he leans forward and hides his face in his hands. "I didn't know how to tell you."

He can't breathe. He didn't fall apart the entire year of Dean's deal, he held it together, tried to be strong for Dean. And now Dean is the one on his knees, apologizing to Sam.

He tries to reach for Dean, but he can't—the whiskey's coming up. He covers his mouth and runs, as fast as he can, which isn't quite fast enough. He lurches and stumbles, finally make it back to the bathroom. He flushes the toilet, gets rid of most of the alcohol.

He starts shivering, hot and cold inside.

Dean goes firmly into caretaker mode, wrapping a towel around Sam's shoulders and leading him back to the bed. Dean grabs another towel from the bathroom and dries Sam's legs off, quick and efficient, then starts drying his hair. He can feel Dean's fingers against his scalp, rubbing. It feels exactly like it did when Sam was a kid. He keeps his eyes closed, and then Dean's drying his face off, wiping the towel gently over his eyelids and cheeks and mouth.

It's soothing, and he feels some of the tension fade. He's still achy all over, throat raw, eyes dry, skin tight and prickly. He lets his shoulders slump forward, and then Dean's got him, holding him up.

"Come on. Sit up for me." He opens a bottle of water and hands it to Sam. "Drink this."

Sam doesn't want it, but he drinks it. He doesn't have enough energy left to say no.

Nothing's resolved. He's still a freak. Dean still thinks he's a freak.

"Now lie down." Sam obeys, and Dean pulls the sheet and comforter up over him. Sam turns his back to Dean and curls up under the covers.

"I don't care if you want to talk about this or not." Dean runs his hand through Sam's hair, an uncharacteristically tender gesture that makes Sam's chest tighten. "When you feel better, we're going to talk about it. I said you didn't have to go through this alone, and I meant it."

He doesn't miss the way Dean's voice breaks, and Sam's eyes start watering all over again. Dammit, he doesn’t want to cry anymore, but he can't make it stop.

Now Dean's moved on from caretaker mode to full on freakout. "Sam…" His voice is pleading. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." He somehow manages to get the words out. It kills Sam that Dean's apologizing, again, and the fact that his brother hasn't mocked Sam, called him a girl, or cracked a single joke since they've been in the motel room is a good indication of just how fucked up things really are.

He doesn’t feel drunk anymore, just wiped out, exhausted. He feels Dean's hand on his shoulder, light, tentative at first, then stronger. He leaves it there, reassuring pressure as Sam drifts off.

When he wakes up, Dean's still next to him on the bed. His presence is comforting, familiar, even though they've barely touched since Dean came back. The first night, when Sam grabbed him from behind, Dean had flinched. Sam didn't say anything, but he was careful after that, not wanting Dean's shoulders to tense like that again.

But now Dean is right up behind him, lying down behind Sam, sliding under the sheet, getting as close as he possibly can. He's naked too, his skin warm against Sam's. He's not sure, but Sam thinks Dean is crying.

"I never want to hear anyone telling me I need to stop you again. Do you hear me, Sam? It's not fair, and it's not your fault that Yellow Eyes wanted you, but you've got to—" Dean sucks in a breath. "You've got to stay away from these fuckers, and all that shit they want from you."

Sam nods his head and tries to turn around to face Dean, but his brother won't let him move. Sam feels Dean against his ass, hard and ready. Dean's mouth is on his neck, nuzzling and kissing, and sucking, mumbling, can't go through that again, over and over.

Sam can't remember the last time they went slow like this, those last months with Dean were frantic and bitter, with Sam using every second of his free time looking for a way to save Dean, while Dean pulled away from him, growing more and more distant. "Want you," he says, needing to erase that feeling, the one of hopeless despair, and replace it with this, this new luxury of having each other, having time, if he doesn't go and fuck it all to hell.

Then he's not thinking anymore, because Dean's mouth is all over his skin, his hands are on the back of Sam's neck, brushing his hair out of the way, licking across the nape of his neck. Sam shivers at the contact. Dean's never done this before, never taken his time like this. His hand is on the side of Sam's head now, right at his temples, fingers splayed through Sam's hair.

Sam pushes back against him, moaning. Dean gets both arms around Sam's chest and Sam can feel Dean all along his body: legs, stomach, chest, mouth. It's slow, but intense, overwhelming, and Dean hasn't even touched Sam's dick yet.

Sam pushes back, grinding his ass into Dean. Dean moves one hand down lower, takes his time, palm flat over Sam's chest, then his stomach, and finally, finally, takes Sam's cock into his hand. Sam's cock is already wet, precome spilling over from anticipation. His touch is light first, skimming up and down, before strengthening, gripping. Dean tightens his fist, letting Sam's erection slip through.

Sam grabs for Dean's other hand, the one still wrapped around his chest, and squeezes. He thrusts back again, grinding into Dean. He's met with a groan, with Dean's tongue on his ear, biting the edge until Sam's wriggling, so close to coming.

"God, Sam, I need this." Dean speaking right into his ear, whispering, as he strokes Sam. "I need you."

"Need you too." Sam's stomach flips, twists and he shudders all over. "Love you."

Behind him, Dean arches forward, cock pulsing against Sam's back.

"Let it go," Dean says, panting, and Sam does.

Sam bites his lip, hard as he comes, tastes blood from where Dean hit him. Sam doesn’t care that Dean punched him; it's what Dean does when he's freaking out. He wanted to get Sam's attention—wanted to let Sam know how upset, how worried, how devastated he was.

Sometimes words aren't enough, not for them.

Sam's not naïve enough to think everything's going to be okay now, he's not naïve enough to think that anything's going to be okay, not really, but if Dean's on his side, then that's all he needs.

Fic poll

2008-10-12T22:09:52Z

View Poll: 4.04 Coda

Remix and Commentary STUFF!

2008-10-07T19:37:39Z

I need to join the chorus of: OMG spn_remix fics are posted!!! I LOVE what the anon author did with my WIAWSNB coda. That's one of my favorite episodes of all time.

It's called Gods of Cruel Design, and it's perfect.

I also got the chance to do a dvd_commentary for withdiamonds's BigBang fic: Hangman is Coming Down From the Gallows. My commentary is here. I wasn't sure what I was doing at first, but I ended up really enjoying it.

I hate leaving sparse, general, one-line comments like: OMG, great fic, I loved it, but I'm often short on time, and I figure that's better than saying nothing at all. But if I had my way, I'd leave you all paragraph after paragraph of rambling reviews, and that's exactly what I got to do with this fic.

Happy Birthday!!!!

2008-10-03T19:31:20Z

Happy belated birthday to zooey_glass04, who I adore beyond all reason!

I'm the biggest loser in the whole world for being a day late with this. I am SO glad you had a nice birthday. :D :D :D

SPN 4.03

2008-10-03T13:23:06Z

I've never written an episode reaction before. I'm not sure this even counts as a reaction, because I have nothing insightful to say, but wow. WOW!

I went to a debate party last night instead of watching. (Joe Biden, I love you!)

So I just watched the episode (It's up on itunes now, btw) and I'm speechless. I didn't think it would be possible for Dean to become even more emotional about his family, but sending him back in time, to witness all of that... it's bittersweet, in a lot of ways. He got to meet his grandparents, and see his parents young and in love. But it must feel like he's lost even more, in a lot of ways.

I just flat-out enjoyed the storytelling. This is my favorite season so far.

Happy Birthday!!!!

2008-09-24T22:29:07Z

AHHHHH! I hope you're not already in bed!

Happy Birthday to parenthetical, one of THE most awesome people that i know!!! :D :D :D

Fic: Seven Stars (Sam/Dean PG-13)

2008-09-24T17:47:20Z

Title: Seven Stars
Author: aynslee
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1500
Spoilers: ***Yes, for 4.01***
Notes: Written for oxoniensis, for the Fall Fandom Free For All. I don’t know how closely I stuck with the prompt—it took on a life of its own. :)
Prompt: Fic: Supernatural, Dean/Sam, first time wingfic, a bit of schmoop, a bit of snark.

And he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp two-edged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength. And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. - Revelation, 1.14 (I’m addicted to Revelation lately, what can I say?)

Seven Stars

When Dean wakes up, he’s facedown on the motel carpet.

Not good. The only time he ends up on a floor this grimy is when he’s getting his ass kicked.

There’s a tentative brush across his shoulder. “You’re awake.”

“Sam?” He groans. “Why the hell d’you leave me down here?”

“I didn’t want to.” Sam crouches beside him and leans down until Dean can see his face. “But I wasn’t sure…”

Dean pushes himself up on his hands. He can’t remember getting wasted, but something obviously happened to him. “Wasn’t sure about what?”

Sam frowns, his eyebrows coming together. “You don’t know.” It’s half question, half statement.

Dean finally gets his knees under him, and that’s when he realizes. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong. There’s a weight on his back, heavy and solid, pulling and pushing him back to the floor.

He wavers, and Sam’s there, grabbing his arms and hauling him to his feet. “I thought it might hurt if I tried to drag you onto the bed.”

Dean doesn’t even have time to think about what’s gone wrong before he sees himself in the mirror. He staggers backward at the sight, but Sam goes with him, hands still gripping Dean’s arms.

“You have wings,” Sam says, looking at their reflection.

“Yeah.” Dean can’t meet Sam’s eyes. “I think that’s an understatement.”

“They’ve been there since I woke up. So I started researching, looking online for curses, and we can call—”

Sam’s businesslike, competent, ready to fix this, and Dean feels like shit for not coming clean with his brother. Sam stops when he sees Dean shaking his head. “Don’t waste your time.”

“What? Why not?”

“I—” He closes his eyes. How does he tell his brother, the one who watched him dragged into hell, that an angel came for him? He starts with the name, the one Sam already knows. “He did this. Castiel.”

Sam recoils, horror in his eyes. “Castiel? The demon that blinded Pamela?”

“He’s not a demon.”

“Then what is he? And how do you suddenly know all of this? Come on Dean, this isn’t funny.”

Dean rolls his sleeve up. “This is his.” The red flesh shines even in the dull motel light. “He pulled me out of hell.”

Sam’s eyes go wide, and his throat moves as he swallows. He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. Dean can see his tongue. “You still haven’t told me what he is.”

“He’s an angel.” The longer he stands, the lighter the wings feel. “I summoned him last night.” Dean stares into the mirror. “I guess the wings were an afterthought.”

“You’re telling the truth.” Sam gapes for what seems like an hour. “Dean. What the fuck. You saw what he did to Pamela. And you just go off and summon him? Alone?” Sam grabs Dean by the shoulders again, but this time he’s not trying to help. “You just got out of hell, and now you’re—”

Dean straightens his shoulders. He barely feels the wings now. They’re more like the angel’s were, a dark shadow, a suggestion of power. “I’m not going to do this with you right now.”

Sam is oozing attitude. “Do what?”

“Look, just leave it alone.”

“I’m not going to leave it alone.” Sam frowns with his whole body. “You wouldn’t leave it alone if it were me.”

“That’s different.”

Sam’s face is getting increasingly flushed. “It’s not different.”

“I said we’re not doing this. I need help figuring out how to get rid of these goddamned things.”

Sam’s face goes from red to white in two seconds. He blinks, over and over. “They’re gone.”

“Gone?” Dean whips his head around so fast his neck aches. He twists his arms backwards, touches his back. Sam’s right. They’re gone. Dean doesn’t think he can stand up much longer. He backs away from the mirror, sits on the bed.

Sam paces. “Maybe you can control them.” Sam stops and faces him. “See if you can bring them back.”

“Are you crazy? No way.”

Sam makes a face like he’s going to argue, but instead he sits down next to Dean. He edges Dean’s sleeve up, exposes the handprint. “Why would he do that to you?”

“Just couldn’t keep his hands off me.” He picks at a string trailing off the edge of the ratty comforter. “Guess I should be glad it wasn’t my eyes, huh?”

Sam’s face darkens. “Do you think he’s really an angel?”

Dean shrugs. “Ruby’s knife didn’t work.”

Sam looks surprised at that. “You stabbed an angel.”

“Yeah, well, he’s not exactly Mr. Rogers.”

He starts tracing the scar with his finger. “Does it hurt?”

Dean wants to tug his sleeve down and cover it up, but Sam’s close to him, and well, Dean doesn’t want that to stop. He takes a breath and lets Sam touch. “It feels—” Dean really has to concentrate on not jerking away when Sam presses his palm over the mark. “Weird.” He forces out a laugh. “Thanks for not making any Kid Icarus jokes.”

Sam smiles ruefully. “I don’t really feel like making any jokes at all.”

Sam’s hand is warm on his skin, still covering the print, and Dean feels himself wanting to lean into Sam, wishing he could get closer. They sit that way for a few seconds, tension raw between them until Sam drops his hand. “You wanna go out?”

Dean doesn’t try to hide his relief. He’s never been so aware of Sam touching him before, and he doesn’t know what to do with that. “I never thought you’d ask.” They walk several blocks to a run-down place doing its best imitation of an Irish pub.

Once they’re settled into a booth with two beers, Sam’s all business again. “So what else did this Castiel say?”

“Sam…”

“What’s so bad that you don’t want to tell me?”

“Nothing.”

“I think I have a right to know.”

“Oh, okay. Fine then.” Dean puts his beer down as calmly as he can, still gripping the bottle so he doesn’t slam it into the wooden table. “You give me a daily accounting for what you did while I was gone, and then we’ll talk.”

Dean watches Sam’s jaw tighten. “You have no idea—”

“No, Sam, I do have an idea, I have a good fucking idea. That’s why we’re in this mess to begin with.” Dean runs out of steam. He doesn’t have it in him to be angry at his brother, not anymore. “At least part of it. The other part… I think we’re just cursed.” He slouches forward and rests his elbows on the table. “Now we’ve got heaven and hell on our asses.”

They sit in silence, until the look on Sam’s face starts making Dean nervous. “What?”

“Dean, what if it’s— You know. What if they want you to kill me?”

Dean’s up and over to the other side of the booth in two seconds. “Don’t you say that, Sammy.” He grabs Sam by the part of his shirt that he can reach, wadding the fabric in his hand. “It’s not gonna happen.”

“But—”

“I mean it. I don’t wanna hear that.” He lets go of Sam’s shirt reluctantly.

Sam’s lips flatten out and turn down just like they did when he was little, and Dean can’t take it. He stands up, leaves some money on the table. “Let’s get out of here.”

Sam’s still sitting there forlornly, so Dean grabs his arm and tugs him out of the booth, through the bar and out the front door.

When they get outside, Sam’s looking at the ground, and his voice is low and deep. “It was so hard, Dean. I can’t do it again. I can’t.”

Dean wants Sam quiet, wants him to quit freaking out and saying shit like that, so he puts his hand over Sam’s mouth. It’s a childish thing to do, reminds him of being a teenager and telling Sam, shut up, shut your mouth, but it works—Sam stops talking.

They stare at each other in the parking lot. Sam’s eyes are shifting from side to side, and Dean’s hand is still over Sam’s mouth. He drops it, instantly missing the contact.

But Sam must miss it too, because he grabs Dean’s hand again, the same one that was just on his face, and holds on.

Dean looks down. He feels warm all over, grateful. “You do realize you’re holding my hand.”

Sam tightens his fingers. “I’m not letting you go, wings or not.”

Dean whacks him on the shoulder with his free hand. “Why you gotta bring that up again?”

Sam gives him a tiny smile. “You want to go back to the room?” he asks, and Dean’s pretty sure he can see heat in Sam’s eyes.

“Yeah, I do.” He rubs his thumb over the back of Sam’s hand, and starts walking.

-end-

SPN fic rec!

2008-09-23T20:09:46Z

Somewhere a Clock is Ticking, by parenthetical. 70K of Sam/Dean.

Summary: When Ben goes missing, Dean has to help, even if it means going in without Sam. By the time he stops to consider the consequences, it's already too late, and Sam's skating dangerously close to the edge in his determination to fix things.

I was lucky enough to beta read this one, and now I get to read it again. If you like Sam and Dean, then check it out.

Sam/Dean drabble - wingfic crack!

2008-09-23T15:33:54Z

Title: Ivory
Author: aynslee
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG
Warnings: ***Spoilers for 4.01***
Notes: For oxoniensis, who wanted wingfic, for the Fall Fandom Free For All.

I’m writing something longer for the same prompt (and more serious), but I decided to try a drabble first, because I’d never done one.

Exactly 100 words is hard!!! :D

Ivory

Before Dean even gets his eyes open, he’s aware of Sam standing over him.

Sam smirks. “Looks like the angel left you a little gift.”

“What the hell, Sammy.” He buries his face in the pillow. “I’m tryin’ sleep.”

“I wonder if they work?”

“Did you find some weed last night? LSD? Because dude, I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Sam’s gloating. “Why don’t you roll over?”

“I swear.” Dean punches the pillow. Sam just doesn’t give up, so Dean decides to humor him. He tries to roll, but stops. Something’s in the way.

Goddammit.

Wings.

Writing Time!

2008-09-22T20:41:25Z

4.01 has given me some kind of writing bug, which I welcome. Writing 2 words per week was getting old fast.

I'm working on four SPN fics right now. One for spn_remix, two for the Fall Fandom Free For All, and one 4.01 follow-up. They ALL start with Dean waking up. So did the two fics I recently posted, more or less. LOL.

So much for creativity. But I'm just gonna go with it. :D

SPN fic: Sea of Glass (4.01)

2008-09-20T20:09:35Z

Okay, so I've seen a lot of people talking about this, and I couldn't resist. SPOILERS INSIDE!

Title: Sea of Glass
Author: aynslee
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: ~1000
Beta: leighm
Spoilers: YES, for 4.01
Notes: Based a comment by memphis86, which contains SPOILERS.

The rest of the fic heading is listed under the cut, because it contains also SPOILERS! (Yes, I am repeating that!)

Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Summary: Castiel comes to visit Dean at the motel, and Sam’s not happy when he finds out.
Notes2: Assume that Sam knows about Castiel.

Title comes from this: And before the throne there was a sea of glass like unto crystal: and in the midst of the throne, and round about the throne, were four beasts full of eyes before and behind. –Revelation, 4.6 (It’s random. No future spoilers, as far as I know.)

Sea of Glass

When the sun rises, Sam’s gone again, slipped off while Dean was still sleeping. Dean’s getting fucking sick of it—Sam insists nothing’s going on, makes up excuses like, ‘I wanted donuts, or I needed a local newspaper,’ but Dean’s not buying it—his brother’s up to something.

Dean yanks the motel door open, ready to find Sam and catch him in the act, but when he steps out, that goddamned angel is blocking the doorway.

Dean’s not over the fact that it was an angel that got him out, and he’s been coping by refusing to think about it until he figures out what Sam’s dicking around with. He’s also been very pointedly ignoring the handprint on his arm. But now the angel is here, in his room, and the raised skin tingles.

Castiel, or whatever the hell his name is, inches closer, gets right up in Dean’s face. The guy—the angel—has no sense of personal space, but there’s nothing threatening about him, at least not in this form. His eyebrows knit together while he peers at Dean.

It’s fucking awkward. Dean coughs, hoping he’ll back up. “What do you want?”

“I came to see you.”

“Wow. That was helpful.” Dean rolls his eyes. “Did Sam ask you to do it?”

Castiel actually looks perplexed. “Sam?”

“My brother. You know, tall guy, horrible taste. Can’t miss him.”

“I know who he is. I was asking what you’re referring to.”

Dean wants to slap his own forehead. He can’t figure out if Castiel is really this dense, or if he’s bullshitting. “Did he ask you to, you know. Get me out of hell.”

Castiel cocks his head to the side, as if he’s listening intently, but he doesn’t answer.

Dean huffs, impatient. “Sam likes to pray. So I thought he might have…”

“He may have asked the Lord. I don’t know.”

Dean looks him up and down. He’s got on a new suit, free from blood and bullet holes. “Aren’t you supposed to know shit like this?”

“I was not assigned to watch your Sam.” Castiel is matter of fact with his statement. But then he’s leaning in, and before Dean realizes what’s happening, Castiel is kissing him. Kissing. A fucking angel.

Dean’s never been into guys, and his first instinct is to shove him away. But he doesn’t. He knows the guy is okay looking, maybe even better than okay, but none of that matters because there’s a force inside Castiel, inside this random guy’s body, and it draws Dean in, captivates him, cajoles him into wanting this.

Castiel’s lips are warm. Dean feels himself going under, fading, until the stubble on Castiel’s face scratches against his own, reminding Dean of exactly who’s kissing him, and he pulls away, wiping his mouth.

“Can you, uh.” Dean’s still half dazed, and the words slip out of his mouth before he can stop them. “Can you do it again?”

Before Dean realizes that he didn’t specify exactly what “it” is, Castiel’s lips curve up, and that same slightly rueful look settles on his face. “You like the wings.”

Of course the guy can read his mind—Dean’s an idiot for forgetting that tiny detail. He can feel the flush all over his body. “Nah. Just wanted to see how big they were. I mean—” Dean groans. He gave the guy a perfect opening with that one, and he waits for a comment, lewd or otherwise.

But Castiel doesn’t laugh. He stands still, lets the wings unfold again. The same light shows up alongside the wings, illuminating the dim motel room. They’re more than shadow this time, pale gray feathers stretching out, spanning from wall to wall.

Dean can’t help himself. He reaches out and touches, skims his hand along the edge, wraps his fingers around the feathers. When Castiel shudders, he yanks his arm away.

He turns to face Dean, still wearing that perpetual look of slight confusion. “I’m sorry. I don’t spend much time in human form.”

Dean frowns, remembering the gun, the knife. He gestures toward Castiel’s chest. “Will this person die? Because I stabbed you?”

“The Lord will welcome him.”

Dean nods. He expected that, but it still bothers him. He'd thought maybe an angel would be able to fix the damage, but apparently they're no better than demons with that.

Castiel moves away, toward the door, and the pull that Dean feels weakens. “Your brother is coming. I’ll be back later.”

“Enjoy those heavenly duties,” Dean says. He wonders vaguely if he should treat the guy with a little more respect, but he figures that they—Castiel, God, and whatever else is in league with him—are the ones who wanted him out of hell. They can deal.

Castiel doesn’t reply. He just walks out.

Before Dean can process the fact that the angel showed up unannounced, and kissed him—fucking kissed him, not to mention the fog that came over him—Sam comes barging into the room.

His voice is louder than usual. “What was he doing here?”

Dean takes in the grimace on Sam’s face. “Chill out, man. I was trying to get some information.”

“I don’t like it.”

“He’s an angel.” It’s a thin explanation, even to Dean’s ears.

“So he says. All we know is that Ruby’s knife won’t kill him, and that he has wings.” Sam slams his bag down. “That’s not a whole fucking lot!”

“You’re the one that’s always bitching about me not having any faith. A real honest-to-god angel shows up and you get all pissy.”

“I am not pissy.” When Dean gives him a pointed look, he sighs. “I’m just. I’m a little on edge.”

“Ya think?”

“Sorry.” Sam leans forward in his chair, and his face is as earnest as Dean’s ever seen it. “But I don’t trust him, Dean.”

“Neither do I.” And Dean doesn’t trust him, no way, but that doesn’t mean he can let Sam bust in and tell him what to do, not when Sam’s the one sneaking around. Dean crosses the room, puts his hand on his brother’s shoulder. He’ll question Sam later on, after he’s calmed down. “It’s gonna be okay.” He squeezes Sam’s shoulder. He doesn’t believe his own words, and he knows Sam doesn’t either.

Dean doesn’t mention that he can still see Castiel outside, standing rigid in the motel’s parking lot.

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