Back to Part One


“So,” Jared says. “I guess you couldn’t resist me forever, huh?”

"I had no idea you were gay,” Jensen says, running his hands through Jared’s hair, letting it slide through his fingers. “A couple of times I thought you might be interested in me, but then I’d talk myself out of it."

"I'm bisexual, really,” Jared says, snuggling closer, wanting Jensen to continue messing with his hair. “But that’s not important. I’ve been going nuts since the day I met you." Jared hopes he’s not saying too much too soon, but it’s impossible for him to suppress how he feels right now, so he goes with it.

"Really?" Jensen asks.

"Yep."

Jensen tugs him closer. “You mentioned that earlier, and I guess I’m just surprised.”

“Anyone with half a brain would be into you.”

Jensen laughs like he’s embarrassed, but he doesn’t pull away.


***


After the initial settling in, the sneaking around goes pretty smoothly. They get together at least every other night, and sometimes both weekend nights, generally staying in except for the one time they drive to Dallas together for a concert. In the weeks following Halloween night, they spend a lot of time kissing and rolling around in bed naked, but that’s as far as it goes. Jared likes to wait at least a month before progressing to anything else, and Jensen seems happy to appease him.

They act exactly the same at school and no one notices.

Or so Jared thinks.

He’s helping Ms. Harris enter her grades into the archaic computer program when he gets the notice that they aren’t really hiding all that well. "You and Mr. Ackles must be getting to be pretty good friends," Danneel says.

Jared's immediately alert. They've been beyond careful. No suggestive phone calls, no text messages, no emails, no public touching. Short of wire tapping their homes, there's no way anyone could have figured out what they're doing. "Why do you say that?"

"I saw your car over there the other night."

Fuck. "How do you know it was mine?"

"Little orange Wakefield High parking sticker, dark red Rodeo. Isn't that you?"

"Yeah. I stopped by to drop of some off the field trip forms. We called all the parents to make sure no one was forging."

"Ah. Makes sense," she says, already losing interest, moving on to the next set of papers.

Jared’s sure she didn’t mean anything by asking; she’s definitely not malicious, and was probably just making conversation, but he still hates that they have to deal with the questions. Of course, if he were a woman, it'd be the same thing, maybe even worse because people would automatically assume something was going on. Two guys, they can get away with hanging out together. At least for a while, as long as no one spends the night.

Jensen freaks out just like Jared expects him to. "Holy shit, people are watching us?"

Jared shrugs. "They watch everyone. You know how it is. You can't rent a movie without the Sunday School teacher hearing about it."

"I know. It's just, we have to be careful."

"We'll be more careful from now on," Jared says, rubbing the knots out of Jensen’s shoulders.


***

Being careful means tedious planning, which Jared resents. He shouldn’t have to sneak around to have something that's not wrong or illegal, or even unethical, but avoiding further speculation is worth it.

The stuff they do to cover up is absurd but necessary, like having Jared jog to the market store on the corner, and then hop in Jensen’s car, neither of them getting out until Jensen’s garage door is tightly closed. Sometimes Jared will drive to Jensen's house and pick him up, and they leave lights on in the empty house, so no one gets suspicious.

They haven't mentioned the future, but Jared fantasizes about them both leaving the school system, getting jobs where they can be out, or moving to a new place where they can start out as roommates, and not work in the same district. No conflicts of interest, no unfairness, no questions from parents and school board members.

All the ridiculous schemes are worth it though, to be with Jensen. And sometimes they go out together in public, especially if it’s something that passes what they call the Sunday School test. If they could theoretically mention the entirety of the activity in church, then they don’t have to be quite so rigorous with the cover-up.

In early November they both decide that bike riding passes the test and meet up at the park. The weather’s perfect for once, crisp and cool without being chilly.

"Two gay men meeting for a secret tryst in a wooded park? Isn't this pretty clichéd?" Jensen asks as he surveys the trail.

“Dude, in case you didn’t notice, we’re going bike riding, not meeting for a secret tryst, Jared says, hauling his bike off the car rack. "At least we're not wearing trench coats and flashing people."

"The people of Wakefield should be so lucky," Jensen says as they take off down the dirt trails, waiting until Jared’s done laughing before he speaks again. “So, I need some help.” He glances over at Jared, charming smile on his face.

Jared already knows what he’s going to ask. “The annual Christmas party, huh?"

"Yep."

“And there won’t be any students there, right?”

“Nope. Just us adults.”

“And you want me to be an errand boy again, help clean up that sort of thing?” Jared smiles when Jensen nods. "Need some help planning?"

"Why does the tone of your voice scare me?"

“I don’t know. Didn’t you have fun at the Halloween party?”

“That’s an unfair question. You know I had fun at that party.”

“Yes, and I know why too. Because of my awesome powers of party planning.”

Jensen groans. “Jared, you know that you can’t bring anything dirty as your white elephant gift, right?”

“A large purple dildo is not a dirty gift.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.” Jensen’s gripping his handlebars tightly now.

“You just said there won’t be any kids there.”

“Oh my god.”

“What about penis pacifiers then?” Jared delights in Jensen’s gape. “Great. I’ll order them online tonight,” he says, yanking his bike in front of Jensen and taking off as fast as he can.


***


The weeks go by, and they’re still careful, making sure they’re never seen together.

And then they get careless. All because Jared decides he needs to join Jensen on his run.

They wake up early on a Saturday, the day stretched out before them. Usually Jensen runs one direction, and Jared the other. They leave at different times, Jensen coming out his front door, and Jared leaving from the backyard, jumping over the thin creek that winds through the neighborhood. But on this foggy Saturday, Jared goes with him, enjoying the brisk air and the light rain.

They run down Jensen’s street, all the way past the empty snow-cone stand, then past the elementary school, and onto the main part of the street.

And they nearly run into one of Jared’s students — Marisa Whitener, who’s leaving the Post Office.

She looks up from the package she’s holding, eyes widening. "You guys are so cute." She smiles. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

Jared can feel Jensen stiffen next to him, and Jared steps forward, adopting his classroom voice. "That's very considerate Marisa, but I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Funny, Mr. Padalecki. But seriously, don't worry.” She scrunches her nose up. “I'm glad someone around here's happy."

She smiles again before walking away, and Jared watches Jensen deflate.

"Fuck," Jensen says, looking stunned.

"She probably really won't say anything.” Jared leans back, snagging his running shirt on the rough brick of the Post Office. “She's in my first period class, and she’s pretty mature."

Jensen shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. We can't take that kind of chance again."

"No, I agree,” Jared says, wiping his forehead with his arm. He can see Jensen already moving away from him, putting distance between them.

"Jared. We can't do this anymore."

"What, go out in public?" Jared’s pretty sure he knows what Jensen means. But he’s not ready to hear that. He understands pretending they aren’t together, but calling it off entirely? He doesn’t understand that, and he’s not going to.

"No. Anything.” Jensen keeps inching away, down the cracked sidewalk and toward the edge of the building. “We can't be anything other than people who work together."

"Oh come on, Jensen. We just need to watch ourselves. Maybe not going out in public is a good idea."

"No. It's not enough. Someone will notice the way I look at you, or the way you flirt with me, or something. We can't take that chance."

"Stop it." Jared lets his voice get a little louder.

"No. I'm going to stay away from you.” Jensen’s voice is formal. “Besides, I've been abusing my authority anyway."

“What?” Jared asks in disbelief. Jensen has to be kidding him, using words like abusing and authority, like he’s one of the students. “We both know it’s not like that. There's no law saying we can't be together. And I’m insulted that you think I could be so easily manipulated.”

"I'm sorry."

“I am not being taken advantage of. And if I were a woman, then there wouldn’t be an issue at all, other than gossip. The school district doesn’t even have a policy on dating, and tons of the teachers are married to each other.”

“That’s different.”

“I know.” Jared throws his hands up. “I know.”

“Don’t make it sound like I’m exaggerating what a problem this is."

"I’m not making it sound like anything other than the truth. That this is bullshit.”

"There are a million reasons not to do this."

The rain starts getting harder, splattering against the brick, getting them wet even under the awning. "And there are a million why we should."

"No."

"I don’t believe you’re saying this shit."

"I’m saying it for a reason.” Jensen steps away from the building, like he’s ready to start running again. “Come on, let's go back. I'll drop you off at your house."

"No way. If you’re going to do this, then I’m not getting in your fucking car."

Jensen reaches for Jared’s elbow, his fingers making contact with the slick skin. "It's pouring."

Jared yanks away, not caring that he’s acting like a petulant thirteen-year-old. "Leave me alone."

Jensen frowns, his bottom lip coming out just a little. "I was hoping we could be civil about this."

"When I see you at school, then I'll be professional.” Jared can feel the sneer on his face, and he doesn’t try to stop it. “Now? I'm just pissed off, and you should get out of my way."

Jared starts running, rain hitting his face, and he wonders why he ever thought coming to Wakefield was a good idea.


***


Saturday is long and lonely for Jensen, who sits in his house staring out at the rain.

He hates himself for leaving Jared. He watched Jared take off down the sidewalk in the rain, soaked in just seconds. He wanted to follow him home, put him in a warm shower and then dry him off, but that wasn't an option.

And just like Jensen hates himself for what he’s done, Jared probably hates him now too.

But this is the way it has to be. They can’t take these chances. If they weren’t two guys, then it might be different. It could create a minor scandal, some juicy gossip for the PTA members. But because they’re gay, Jensen figures that it could get really ugly, really quickly.

He doesn’t want that for himself, and he sure doesn’t want it for Jared. Jared might be one of the smartest, most progressive teachers out there, but he’s still younger than Jensen, and no matter how much Jared doesn’t want to acknowledge it, Jensen’s still his boss. It’s his job to make sure Jared isn’t taken advantage of.

Plus, Jared’s got his head in the sand about what could happen, because he hasn’t experienced the consequences of being gay yet — even though he’d dated guys in college, he’d been with a woman for his entire professional career.

Jensen knows what can happen though. He spent four years with Jeff, rehashing this issue over and over, and all he has left now is the memory of Jeff walking away.

Jeff had been complacent, had said that no one would care in a big city like St. Louis, said they didn’t have to lie or hide anything any more. Jensen wasn’t sure, but he went along with it, at least when he was with Jeff, although he was careful to keep his life with Jeff separate from his work at the school.

Things were mostly okay, until the day that Jeff’s law partner told him he wanted out of the firm they ran together. There was nothing Jeff could do when the guy told him he preferred to work alone. Jeff was crushed, even though he never admitted it, and Jensen said I told you so a few too many times. Eventually Jeff started looking for houses in other states, and Jensen wasn’t invited.

He doesn’t blame Jeff. They took a risk, and it backfired. He doesn't want Jared to go through the same thing.

So Jensen sits on the couch all day Saturday, thinking about St. Louis, and how it would be the same thing here, only worse.

On Sunday, he’s restless. He reconfigures his computer, cleans out his freezer, and details the inside of his car, even though he’s never been one of those guys who cares about the cleanliness of his vehicle. He doesn’t turn on the television at all.

On Monday, he drags himself to school, not bothering to iron his shirt. It’s a wrinkle-free cotton shirt from Dillard’s, although they’re never really free of wrinkles, at least not the ones that come out of Jensen’s dryer, but today he just doesn’t give a shit.

Before school, he wanders the halls as usual. Once the students are all settled into first period, he stops walking and leans against the musty cinderblock next to the vending machine, the one with the jagged crack in the plexiglass, and stays there until Kristin approaches.

"Mr. Ackles, are you okay?"

“What?” He’s staring at a Snickers bar that’s gotten hung on one of the coils.

“I asked if you were okay. You look sick.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” He pulls his eyes away from the dangling candy bar, focusing on her face. “Yes, I’m fine. Just tired. I think I ran too long this morning.”

He’s got to pull himself together, or the town will start talking. Ms. Bell will tell the staff he’s losing it, someone will call his father, his mother will take the issue to her friends, and then the church ladies will swarm him.


***


Jared is not thrilled to be at work on Monday. He spent all weekend either running or driving his car too fast, and he didn’t sleep or eat. The last thing he wants is Ms. Bell in his face, minding his business, but here she is, face upturned toward him right after first period, scrutinizing. He knows that’s not really fair, since she’s never been anything but nice to him, but his mood doesn’t leave room for being fair.

“Mr. Padalecki, are you okay?”

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just sick and a little stressed about some things in my personal life.” He pushes past her and keeps walking toward his room, but she follows. “It's no big deal."

"Good. I was worried. Mr. Ackles looks a little worn around the edges too. I was hoping you two hadn't gotten into it."

"No, he's great.” Jared has to work to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “Got me the novels I requested and everything."

Jared supposes the neat stack of books on his desk that morning was an apology. He seriously doubts the school came through with the funds, and knowing Jensen he'd bought thirty copies with his own money and donated them as some sort of atonement for ditching Jared so unceremoniously.

Rationally, Jared knows Jensen’s right about them ruining their careers and causing a huge uproar. But none of that matters to Jared. He just wants Jensen back.

What sucks the most is that Jared likes Jensen more than he’s liked anyone in a long time. Jared was willing to discuss their options, figure out what they could do to make this work. But Jensen hadn't wanted to sit down and figure out what to do. He'd just cut Jared off.


***


For Jensen, the school days are a blur, and the holidays are even worse. Thanksgiving passes in a sea of misery.

At school, he’s tired of all the teachers asking if he’s feeling okay. He’s tired of seeing Jared in the hallways, looking sick and thinner than usual.

Over the break, it’s Jensen’s job to cook the turkey for the family gathering. He was appointed about five years ago, and he’s always taken pride in it, making sure he had everything just right. But this year, he doesn’t have the energy to do it. He finds a meat deli and pays double since his order was so late. When his family asks him what’s wrong, he pretends to have the flu, and ignores his relatives when they ask if he’s found himself a girl to settle down with yet.

Jensen’s parents and siblings know he’s gay, but he’s never told the extended family. It’s not that they’d shun him or anything; he’s pretty sure they’d still speak to him, but things would be different. His cousins would look at him sideways and his aunt and uncles would likely try and fix him, setting him up with female dates until one of them “took.”

And that’s all part of the problem with dating Jared. Even though Wakefield isn’t the most tolerant town around, it isn’t brutal. There are a few openly gay people, and they aren’t harassed or beaten up. But they aren’t teachers either, and they don’t have to deal with parents thinking they’ll warp the minds of children.

During the family festivities, Jensen escapes to the backyard and stares at the withering ferns on the porch, and tries to convince himself that he did the right thing.


***


For the first time in Jared’s life, Thanksgiving is a bust.

He usually uses the drive home to San Antonio to unwind, and drives with the window down, enjoying the cooler November air while eating Starbursts and his favorite jellybeans. He stops at the corner Citgo and buys his candy, but when he puts the first jellybean in his mouth, a pink one, he gags. He spits it out and tries again with a red one, but he gags again and has to pull over.

He throws up all over the side of the road.

When he gets to San Antonio, he sits at his grandmother’s table, slumped over his food, not eating. He ignores all the questions about what’s wrong, finally exploding when his uncle asks if he’s turned into “one of those male anorexics you see on 60 Minutes.”

He escapes the fracas and goes back home, ripping the November page off his mini-calendar and wadding it into a tiny ball. He doesn’t stop there, but lights it on fire with a match, watching with some satisfaction as it burns, ashes fluttering over his kitchen sink.

The goddammed month is finally over. But now Christmas is coming up, and Christmas is Jared's favorite time of year.

Or it used to be.


***


Jensen sighs as he watches Jared walk down the hallway on the first day back after Thanksgiving, clearly miserable. He thought it was for the best, and that Jared would snap out of it. But the days go by, and Jared is clearly not getting over it. And Jensen misses Jared. He misses his smile, and his laugh, and the way his hands feel, warm on Jensen's shoulders.

Jared’s sick too, with pale skin and a hacking cough that started the day after the rainstorm. Jensen was the one pretending to have the flu, but he’s pretty sure Jared actually has it, or something worse.

He’s such a fuck-up.


***

At two o’clock in the morning on December 1st, Jared’s sitting propped up in bed, eating Halls Mentho-Lyptus cough drops when it hits him how pathetic he is. His floor is decorated with the little white wrappers from the first five bags of cough drops, and the bedspread is covered in discarded Kleenex.

No breakup has ever gotten to him like this, not even the one with Sandy that ended with both of them in tears. All his life Jared’s had people tell him that he’s happy-go-lucky, that nothing ever gets him down. Yeah, he gets frustrated, and annoyed, but he’s never been depressed, and he sure as hell hasn’t ever stopped eating or gotten sick because of a relationship.

Dammit, he needs a swift kick in the ass.

Jensen isn't going to feel like he’s missing much, watching Jared mope around. He doesn't want a pale, sad-faced guy with dull eyes. He likes the Jared who is full of energy, full of life.

Unless Jared’s way off, he’s pretty sure he understands what Jensen did, and why, but Jared intends to make it really damn hard on Jensen to keep saying no to him.

He digs a crumpled yellow pad out of the nightstand and starts a list. He’s going to get his shit together, and he’s going to make Jensen sorry he ever dumped him. And if his plan fails and Jensen doesn’t want him, then at least someone else might.


***


On Monday, Jared starts crossing items off his list.

He finds a new hairstylist and gets his hair cut, even buying one of the bright red bottles of hair conditioner that the stylist is peddling. He buys some new clothes, new deodorant, new aftershave, new underwear and new razors. His account is nearly empty by the end of the shopping spree, but it doesn’t matter. Jensen might not be seeing his boxers anymore, but Jared knows he has them on, and every little thing counts.

He starts working out again, which he neglected in the weeks after Jensen left him, and he’s determined to look and act like his old self again. He's going to be sunny, resilient Jared who never lets anything get to him. Not pitiful, half-starved, broken-hearted Jared. He has no appetite, not even for his favorite red jellybeans, but he forces himself to eat granola bars all day, which are easier to swallow than real food.

He buys new pens, new notebooks, upgrades his laptop, and attacks his lesson plans with vigor. He goes to the dentist and asks to have his teeth whitened, not appreciating it when the hygienist says his teeth are already as white as they can be. After the dentist, he heads for the doctor’s office, finally getting a Z-Pac for the bronchitis he's been ignoring. He orders Christmas decorations for his classroom and puts up a small tree, playing his Bing Crosby CD in the background, which causes his students to giggle and laugh at him.

He has to do something about his house too — he hasn’t cleaned since he and Jensen broke up. He's done laundry as he needed it, not even able to get a whole load done at a time, so he picks up the phone and finally makes the call.

"Dawn, my friend Chris gave me your name. She said she you had a cleaning service?"

"Ah. He’s one of my cousins; he said you’d be calling. What do you need, and when?"

“I need some help in my house.” He picks up a dried beetle from the windowsill and examines it. “I’ll take whatever you can give me, as soon as possible.”

Once she’s there he helps her clean, even though she insists that no other clients do that. “Makes me feel better about hiring you,” he says, squirting half a bottle of Windex onto the toilet while she cringes.


***


On Monday, Danneel corners him during cafeteria duty. "You look nice, Mr. Padalecki," she says with a wink.

Jared inspects the sleeve of his shirt. "Did I look gross before?"

"No." She smiles at him. "You know that wasn't what I meant. You looked nice and clean before, now you look polished."

"What about hot? Do I look hot?"

She looks him up and down. "I think you definitely qualify as hot."

Jared lets the grin spread over his face, even though he’s not quite feeling it inside yet. "Well then, mission accomplished."

"You seeing someone new?"

"Yeah. She lives about an hour away, but I figured I could use the practice." Of course there’s no “she”, no new girlfriend or boyfriend, but Jared has to say something. He can’t very well tell her he’s on a mission to get their principal back in his bed.


***


By the time Christmas arrives, Jensen’s passed miserable and moved on to flat-out depressed.

He’s desperate. He’s ready to go talk, to tell Jared that he’s sorry, that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to try this again. To make some rules so they don’t lose control again and get caught.

Then in the last week of school before the break, there’s a startling change in Jared.

Jared looks... Good. Very good. His color looks better, and he isn’t coughing nearly as much. He looks happy too, and Jensen’s glad Jared’s happy — he deserves it. He'd been suffering for nearly a month, and it was entirely Jensen's fault.

He asks Kristen, who always seems to be interested in staff gossip. “Is Jared finally feeling better?”

“Oh yes,” she says. “Danneel said he’s got himself a new girlfriend. Must be special, because I saw a car with a cleaning logo over at his house.”

Jensen’s never had a panic attack before. Not when his computer crashed and he lost part of his thesis, not when his dad caught him kissing a boy, not when he lost five hundred dollars in cash.

But he’s about to have one now.


***

Now that someone else has noticed his new look, Jared throws himself into his plan. He goes to the basketball game because he knows Jensen will be there. He sits on the same row as Jensen, close enough to talk, but not so close that anyone would suspect what he’s up to.

He opens his pack of sour candy straws, nearly laughing out loud at how juvenile he’s acting. He’s comforted by the fact that to anyone else, he’ll probably just look silly, so caught up in watching the game that he doesn’t realize that he’s slurping on his own fingers.

But he knows.

He watches Jensen's reactions, pleased to see that Jensen’s eyes are glued to him. Until one of the kids comes up and gets right in Jensen’s face.

"Mr. Ackles. One of the cheerleaders is drunk."

It looks like Jensen can barely drag his eyes away from Jared. "Who is it?" he asks.

“Christy Singer."

Jared glances up and sure enough, she's swaying and laughing, and she has the wrong color turtleneck on under her uniform.

"Great. Now I'll never get my mail again," Jensen grumbles under his breath.

Jared coughs to cover up a completely inappropriate laugh. Jared knows Jensen won’t be looking forward to suspending the girl. And since she’s the Postmaster’s daughter, Jensen might not be getting any packages or bills for quite some time.

Jared would usually volunteer to go talk to the girl, to see if she smells like Boone’s Farm wine or a Seagram’s Cherry Fizz, to see if her speech is slurred so he can be a witness when the school board starts asking questions. Then he could stand up for Jensen, and for the school’s rules, when the board starts backpedaling, hemming and hawing and not wanting to really punish her.

But Jared stays put, eating his candy.


***


On the last day of the fall term, the kids are typically restless, shifting in their seats and chewing on the ends of candy canes. And Jared has to admit that his plan to get Jensen back isn’t working — Jensen only looks more wretched by the day, so Jared figures he might as well pack it up and go home to San Antonio for Christmas.

It’s hard to admit that his plan has failed. Part of the reason Jared was able to carry through with all his improvements and restore his mood is because he was certain his plan would work, and that he’d get Jensen back. Now for two weeks he won’t have to keep up with the illusion of perky happiness, and he’s worried about backsliding. He’s going to have to watch it, or he’ll end up right back where he was, puking up red candy on the side of a Texas highway.

On Christmas Eve, Jared’s just thrown the last of his long-sleeved t-shirts into a bag when his doorbell rings. "Jensen," he says, startled when he opens the door. "Is something wrong?"

"No.” Jensen starts to shake his head and stops, squeezing his eyes shut and then opening them. “I mean, yes."

"Did something happen?” Jared studies him, noticing that his eyes don’t look quite focused. “You look terrible."

"Yeah." Jensen rubs his fingers down his forehead, gingerly touching the bridge of his nose. "I ran into something on the way over."

An image of Jensen’s head hitting the dashboard of his car freaks him out, and Jared grabs Jensen’s elbow when he sways, pulling him inside the house. "You had a wreck?"

"No. I was running." He motions to his track clothes. "Just hit my head. But that's not what's wrong."

"Jesus.” Jared leads him to the couch. “Come sit down. Do we need to go to the ER?"

"No,” Jensen says, holding his head in his hands. “God, I feel like an idiot. I just ran into a tree branch, and it whacked me right between the eyes."

"Are you dizzy?"

"Just a little addled."

Jared fixes him a glass of water and wraps a few cubes of ice in a towel, and he can't help but run his fingers over the top of Jensen's head, grazing his hair.

Jensen sighs and closes his eyes.

"Hey, no falling asleep,” Jared says, poking Jensen in the arm. “Not yet."

"I appreciate the concern, but it's not a real head injury."

"That's what you say now. Next you'll be suing me for —"

"I give up,” Jensen says, cutting Jared off. “I can't take this anymore. I miss you."

"You do?" Jared wasn’t expecting this.

"Yes."

Jared doesn't say anything, but waits for Jensen to keep going.

"I miss being around you, I miss having you as a friend, I miss all of it."

"Okay." Jared nods slowly. "We can do this however you want. We can be casual, just see what happens."

"I'm not trying to be a dick, Jared. I'm not anti-relationship. If I were an accountant, or a homebuilder, or a million other things, then I wouldn't worry. But if we're together, somehow we'll go from being a great teacher and principal, to perverts who'll take advantage of students."

"I know. I know. I understand, I really do." Jared sighs. "We have other options, you know. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.”

"Yeah. I know. I just freaked out. I feel so responsible for the school, and for the students. And I know you don’t want to hear it, but I feel responsible for what happens to you too.”

“You don’t need to feel responsible for me. But it’s sweet that you do, and I like it that you feel that way about the school and students. God knows they need it,” Jared says.

"Isn’t that the truth,” Jensen says, staring toward the window. “And here we both are, on Christmas Eve, being all dramatic while wasting away in Hickville, Texas."

Jared smiles in spite of the hopeless look on Jensen’s face. "Well, I wouldn't exactly call it wasting." Jared coughs, hoping that bringing this up isn’t a mistake. “We could always move, you know. Work in separate districts and all that, and no one would know the difference.”

Jensen sucks in a breath, and his shoulders slump even farther down.

Apparently Jensen’s not up for that discussion yet. Jared sighs. "Look, I don't want to pressure you. Let's just take it easy, and see what happens. That's all I want."

Jensen nods, pressing the towel to his forehead. "Thanks for not hating me. I'm sorry for being such an ass."

Jared will take this. Jared might be foolish, but he’s going to take whatever Jensen will give him.

Jensen peers at him from around the ice pack, motioning to the open bag and backpack on the recliner. “Are you supposed to be going somewhere?”

“Yeah, but it can wait.”

“I’ll get going then.” Jensen stands up, still a tad wobbly. “I don’t want to keep you from your plans. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Jared can’t stand the look on Jensen’s face and the way his eyes are so flat and hollow. “They aren’t expecting me until tomorrow, and it’s only a few hours away. Sit down.

Jensen doesn’t budge, so Jared wraps an arm around his waist, tugging him back down to the couch. He leans back, pulling Jensen with him until they’re snuggled together. Jensen doesn’t try to move away, sinking into Jared.

Sham relationship or not, Jared’s got what he wants for Christmas.


***


The holidays are better than Jensen could have imagined. Jared takes him back, or at least he agrees to start back up whatever they were doing. The two weeks of Christmas break are spend in a haze of champagne, long make out sessions, and several blowjobs in front of the fireplace.

They still haven’t had sex, but there’s no way Jensen’s going to push for that, not yet. He’s going to let Jared make that move.

On New Years Eve, they’re locked in Jensen’s house, the fire blazing. Jared’s laughing along with an old episode of The Simpsons, and Jensen’s making them another round of vodka tonics when Jared comes up behind him.

“Wanna fuck you,” Jared says, his lips right against Jensen’s ear.

“Damn.” Jensen puts the bottle of Belvedere down before he drops it. “You do?”

“You want me to?”

“Hell yeah.”

“How long’s it been since you were with anyone?” Jared asks.

“Eight months.” It’s hard for Jensen to concentrate with Jared kissing his neck. “You?”

“About seven.”

“Good,” Jensen manages to say. “Won’t make me look bad then.”

“Nothing about you ever looks bad.”

Jensen could laugh, because Jared’s words sound so corny, but the heat in his voice makes Jensen’s cock strain inside his pajama pants. He pushes his ass back against Jared, rubbing against Jared’s erection. “Better back up what you’re saying then, cowboy.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“What if it is?” Jensen pushes back again, then turns, grabbing Jared around the waist and dragging him down the hall.

“Now who’s the aggressive one?” Jared asks, following Jensen.

Jensen just grins, stripping off his pajama pants and t-shirt.

“Would you rather fuck me?” Jared asks.

“How long’s it been for you?”

“I haven’t.” Jared looks a little sheepish to be admitting this, his face coloring as he sheds his own t-shirt and pants. “The only two guys I’ve gotten this serious with only wanted me to fuck them.” Jared shrugs. “I’m interested. They just preferred bottoming.”

“We’ll take turns,” Jensen says, “and I don’t mind going first.”

“Okay. I just want our first time to be special, no matter who does what.” Jared laughs. “Jesus, I somehow always manage to say something so lame.”

“Lame, you are not.”

“I am very, very lame. But it’s okay, because you’re lame too.” Jared runs his hands down Jensen’s arms. “I’m glad you’re not all serious and stuff, about sex.”

“Why would I be?”

“I know you’re not supposed to bring up exes during a time like this, but I had a girlfriend once who was so uptight during sex. If I made even a tiny little joke, she was pissed.” Jared opens his eyes wide, holding his hands apart. “And I mean, pissed.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I may be uptight sometimes, but not about this.” Jensen closes his arms around Jared’s waist, kissing his neck.

“Mmm,” Jared says, maneuvering him onto the bed. “You look so good.”

Jensen flops backward, letting Jared move him around. “Got everything we need?”

“Yep.” Jared grins. “I planned ahead. I was hoping you’d say yes, one way or the other.”


***

Jensen kisses him, hard and fast, and they roll, Jared on top of him, hands everywhere. Jensen is crazy, wilder than usual, licking Jared’s neck and moaning while Jared slicks his fingers and slides them in. It’s nice to be naked with him, skin to skin finally, and Jared’s glad he’s done this before, because he doesn’t think he could handle the extra time he’d spend fumbling around, trying to figure out what to do.

The next few minutes are a blur, then he’s finally pushing inside. It’s just like he thought it would be, better than all the times he imagined, because he can smell Jensen, and taste him, and in his fantasies he could only see what Jensen looked like under him.

Jensen’s eyes roll back in his head. “Shit, Jared. More.”

“Yeah? Didn’t know I’d be this good, huh?”

Jensen laughs mid-moan. “You got that right.”

He loves this, that he and Jensen can still laugh and have fun in the middle of sex. They find just the right rhythm, moving together until Jensen comes first, Jared following right behind him.


***


Jared somehow manages to drag himself back into the teacher mindset, which is hard after spending nearly two weeks at Jensen’s house. This January, Jared’s as lacking in motivation as the students.

On the second day back to school, he’s in the middle of a lesson when the door opens. He’s used to that now — no one ever knocks here. Not parents, not students, not janitors. This guy is at least polite. He hovers in the doorway, waiting, until Jared stops talking and looks over at him.

“I’m Kim Manners.” He gestures to his badge. “The Fire Marshal. They tell you I was coming for the inspection?”

“No, but come on in.” Jared wants to be annoyed, but the guy doesn't look thrilled to be there either.

“I’ll try to be quiet.”

“It’s fine. Class is almost over.”

Mr. Manners pokes around the room, banging and clattering. He holds up an extension cord and power strip. “You set this up, or did the school?”

Jared sighs. He has no interest in being interrogated about the abhorrent physical state of Wakefield High. “The school did.”

The Marshal shakes his head and mutters something under his breath about backwater school officials and good old boys. “Got any candles?”

“No sir.”

"That's good. I just found seventeen candles in the room next door. Looked like most of 'em had been used up."

"Not surprising," Jared says, thinking about how Mrs. Davis likes to sneak in a little forbidden one-on-one time with her cigarette during her prep period, and how her “cinnamon bun” candles always smell more like an ashtray than a pastry.

"You people always ignore fire code regulations?"

"Not on purpose, sir," Jared says, wondering why the teachers are being chastised for the condition of a school that looks more like a prison than a learning facility. He shakes his head and closes the door behind the Fire Marshal, grateful to be alone with his snickering students again.


***


After the last bell rings, Jared steps into the principal's office, noticing how weary Jensen looks. He's usually a little rigid at school, a little on-edge, but today he's slumped back into his chair, not even trying to hide the frown on his face. "Long day?" Jared asks.

"Yeah, the Fire Marshal was here."

"No lie. Guy nearly ripped me a new one for having that wad of wires plugged into an extension cord. Said it was a hazard."

"He pretty much said the same thing about all the rooms." Jensen holds up a stack of papers. "These are the reports. And I've already called the superintendent."

"Let me guess. She said there wasn't any money to fix the code violations."

"You got it."

"Are you surprised?"

"No. But now I'll have to go to the school board, which means going around her, or file some sort of grievance, or maybe call the press."

"We could call anonymously. Get a big exposé on Wakefield Public Schools." Jared spreads his hands apart, holding them over his head. "Headline: Superintendent Bradley Encourages Code Violations."

Jensen laughs. "It's a great thought, but I doubt anyone cares. I bet half the schools in this area are facing the same thing." Jensen drops the pile of reports onto his desk. "I guess I could call the Education Agency."

Jared snorts. "Like those fuckwads give a shit. You know who's on the Board over there now? It's a guy my brother went to school with."

"So?"

"So he used to huff gasoline down at the Total Station where we lived, and he ate a live goldfish on a dare."

Jensen laughs. "I guess I better get ready to face the school board."

"Hey, I'll put my name on anything you need. You don't have to face the bastards alone."

“You don’t have to do that,” Jensen says, his voice soft.

“I know.” Jared points to the pile of papers. “But it never hurts to have a little back-up around here.” Jared winks, backing out of the office. “I’ll see you later, Mr. Ackles.”


***


Other than a few minor snags that involve students stealing the CDs he keeps for their free writing exercises, things keep going pretty well for Jared at Wakefield. Even life with Jensen is going better than he expected. They’re still sneaking around obviously, but Jensen hasn’t had any more freakouts and they’ve escaped any new close calls.

In March, Jared's recording grades when Jensen sticks his head in the door. “So, you have any interest in chaperoning a field trip?”

“Field trip.” Jared pauses. He's never been fond of chaperoning. The last trip he chaperoned involved him on a school bus for three hours with no air conditioning while the cheerleaders sang Hit Me Baby One More Time. On repeat. “What kind of field trip?” he asks, wary of the answer.

“I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised." Jensen's eyes light up, like he's excited. "Six Flags, Medieval Times, and a Renaissance Fair,” he says, coming to lean on the edge of Jared's desk, close enough to tempt Jared, but far enough away in case anyone drops by unannounced.

“Six Flags?" Jared asks, interested now. He loves amusement parks. He reaches out like he's going to touch Jensen's knee. "That’s not educational.”

Jensen coughs and scoots away, giving him a warning look. “It’s a reward for the Beta Club. They spent all summer and fall doing charity work, and they all have good grades.”

Jared leans back in his chair and props his feet up on the desk. “Count me in.”


***


The Greyhound is nice, almost brand new. The kids file on, arms stuffed with pillows and blankets, iPod wires around their necks.

"How long before one of them ruins the toilet?" Jared asks, surveying the bouncing teenagers.

"My first thought was five minutes, but I'd guess it might happen before we even pull out of the parking lot." Jensen laughs and then sobers. "Shit," he mutters.
"What?"

"I knew I'd forget something."

"Unless it's glasses, medication, or contacts, then it's not a big deal."

"I forgot to pack any underwear."

"You can borrow mine," Jared whispers, staring straight ahead. "Or go without."

Jensen nearly chokes. He'd been desperate for Jared to come along on this trip, but now he's thinking it might turn into a disaster. With thirty-five teenagers, they both have to stay focused. “You behave,” he says.

“Or what?” Jared’s face remains serious, but his voice is playful. “You’ll punish me?”

“Yes.” Jensen grinds his teeth together. “And do not go there —” he says, but it’s too late, Jared’s already talking.

“I think a good spanking might help. I hear the paddles are still in the principal’s office —”

Jensen bites down on his lip and moves away as fast as he can, wanting to laugh and strangle Jared at the same time.


***


At nine in the morning, the day is already muggy, even though it’s only the end of March. “I thought Dallas might be a little cooler than Wakefield,” Jared says, grateful for their group pass as they usher the students through the Six Flags gate.

Jensen doesn’t take his eyes off the kids as they walk in, making sure none of them wander away from the double lines they’re forming inside the gate. “Why?”

“Because it’s farther north,” Jared says. “Genius,” he adds under his breath.

Jensen purses his lips, trying to cover up a smile. “We’re actually in Arlington, and it’s not much farther north. Not enough to matter.”

The other teacher chaperones and the parents who’ve volunteered move the students into smaller groups, while Jensen and Jared follow behind them.

“You have to promise to ride the Superman Tower of Power with me,” Jared says.

“What is that?” Jensen’s voice already sounds wary.

Jared whacks him on the back, grinning. “Promise me first.”

“Am I going to regret this?”

“Probably. Promise?”

“Yes. I’ll ride it.”

“It’s the one where you go straight up, and then straight down.” Jared gestures with his hand while he talks, shooting his arm up and then whipping it back down. "You can get the whole view of Dallas and Fort Worth from the top!"

"That doesn't make me feel better." Jensen frowns. "Do people ever die on this ride?”

“Occasionally.”

“It scares me that you’re serious about that.”

“This is guaranteed to cement your cool factor with the kids.”

“The principal doesn’t need to be cool!”

“Of course he does!”

“No, he most certainly does not. And are any of the students planning on riding this death trap?”

“Oh yeah. About fifteen of them.”

Jared just laughs at Jensen’s groan as they make their way to the ride.

An hour later, Jensen stumbles off the Superman, along with Jared and the kids who rode with them.

"So, are you ready for the Texas Giant now?" Jared grins, pointing toward the horizon at the large frame of the wooden roller coaster. "It goes over sixty miles per hour."


***


On Saturday night, after they’re all back from Medieval Times, Jared knocks on the door of the last hotel room assigned to him. “Zach? Open up,” he says in his firmest voice as he waits outside with the other chaperones.

Another boy, Zach’s roommate, sticks his head out. “Zach’s uh, in the bathroom.”

“William. I can see the bathroom from here. And the door is open.”

“Oh. Well, he’s not here, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Yeah, Mr. Padalecki, he’s not here.”

“Where is he?”

William shrugs, and Jared closes the door, sighing. “Mr. Ackles. We’ve got one missing in this room,” Jared calls down the hallway, just as Ms. Harris joins them.

“We’re also missing one of the girls — Jennifer Tate,” she says, looking back down at her notepad.

Jared’s not surprised. Zach’s been after Jennifer for months. “Let’s split up. You and Ms. Bell check the lobby and the restaurant, and Mr. Ackles and I will go outside and check the pool area and courtyard.”


***


Jensen glares down at the two missing students, who are nearly hidden by the bright purple periwinkles that surround the hotel’s outdoor hot tub. “Jennifer, out of the hot tub. You too, Zach. Now.”

Jared stands back, arms crossed, trying to look intimidating, but it's not necessary, because Jensen’s got this one covered.

“No, I am not going to relax,” Jensen says, picking up a towel and throwing it at Zach’s head. “You’re lucky I’m not going to give you detention for the rest of the school year.”

Jared can’t hear what she’s saying, but it sounds like Jennifer’s whining now that she’s gotten caught, and Jensen’s tone is getting tighter by the second.

“Yes, I am going to tell your mother. This is a school trip, and we said everyone was to stay in his or her room after ten p.m. Not to mention the fact that the pool area is closed, and you are violating the hotel rules.”

Ms. Bell shows up then, and she escorts Zach and Jennifer back to their rooms, while Jensen and Jared make sure that no one else has escaped the curfew.

“Jeez.” Jensen rubs his hands over his face. “That’s just what we need. Two of our star students.”

Jared laughs. “I know. But not even National Merit Finalists are immune to a little rule breaking now and then. Thank god they didn’t have a pint of vodka with them.”

“Don’t give me a heart attack. That’s all I need during my first year as a principal.”

“I know. Guaranteed to get the town all worked up.” Jared stares up at the clear sky. “It’s pretty different from this side.”

“Were you wild?”

“Not particularly. But we did break into a country club to swim in the pool one night. Jumped the fence and everything. This reminds me of it.”

“You deviant.” Jensen smiles. “Did you get caught?”

“Nah. And part of me is still that same deviant.” Jared eyeballs the pool. “Too bad there’s no question of skinny dipping.”

Jensen closes his eyes. “Jared. Don’t even think about it.”

“I’m not. I don’t want to be fired anymore than you do.”

“I can just see it. Old Kripke over at the paper would gloat over getting to write the headline: ‘Principal Ackles caught in gay love tryst with AP English teacher Jared Padalecki.’”

Jared shudders. “No thanks. We’ll just have to wait.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Jensen says, locking the gate behind him.


***

April is warm, and Jared’s getting spring fever right along with the kids. As prom and graduation approach, the students fidget more, and concentrate less.

On the day that Jared’s decided to tackle Shakespeare, the fire alarm goes off.

Jared drops his tattered copy of Hamlet on the desk, frowning. He’s never really paid attention to the fire alarm, or the drills. On the designated days, he always gets his class out and counts heads, but it’s always been an annoyance, a distraction from class, something to scoff at and ignore in favor of actual learning.

But this time he can smell the smoke.

The students can smell it too, from the looks on their faces. He stays calm, tries to sound almost bored as he tells them to get up, and get to the door, no grabbing bags or purses. Surprisingly, they listen.

The smell of smoke is thicker in the hallway, and he follows his students to the courtyard.

He sees Jensen hurrying toward the groups of classes huddled together, and he can see Jensen’s relief when he spots Jared among the teachers.

Jensen’s holding a piece of paper. “I’ve got everyone accounted for, students and teachers, except for the art room.”

“Ms. Harris?” Jared asks.

“Yes. And five students.” Jensen looks back over his shoulder, toward the road where sirens should be wailing. “I don’t know where the fire department is, but now that everyone else is out I’m going to try and find them.”

“I’ll come with you.” Jared’s already turning back toward the building, shouting to Coach Murray to keep an eye on his class.

“Jared, no.”

“Yes.”

“As your boss, I’m telling you no.”

There’s no way in hell Jared’s letting Jensen go in there alone, and there’s no way he’s going to stand by and watch kids suffer while he could be helping. “Then you can fire me once everyone’s out.”

Jensen nods, a quick, tight acknowledgment, and they take off running, sprinting back into the school, through the hallways. Jared pulls his shirt up over his nose, trying to avoid as much of the thick gray smoke as he can.

They skid to a stop in front of the art room.

The ceiling’s half collapsed, with more debris falling in, and there’s no way they can get into the classroom.

“We’ll have to go outside and break the window.” Jared has to shout over the noise — he never thought of a fire as being loud, but it is.

Jensen nods. “We need something to break it.”

There are no axes in the fire safety boxes mounted on the wall, only fire extinguishers.

“Check the janitor closet,” Jensen yells.

The door isn’t locked, and at that moment Jared’s thankful for Mr. Travis’s perpetual disregard for school procedures. There are hammers inside, and they both grab one, running back outside to the art room’s exterior window.

They hit it over and over, but it’s some kind of safety glass, and it doesn’t shatter all at once, but cracks gradually, lines splintering across until it finally caves in.

Jared can’t see much at first, but once they’ve crawled in the room he can see that Ms. Harris and the five students are on the floor, trying to get to the cleaner air.

Jensen scoops the first girl up and gets her out, and Jared follows, hauling a boy to his feet and pushing him out the open window. They move back and forth, dragging a student each until only Danneel and one girl are left.

Jared goes for Olivia, the last student left inside, while Jensen grabs Ms. Harris.

Just as Jared’s picking her up, something outside the door explodes, and Jared feels a sharp pain in his head. He doesn’t have time to stop, because the top half of the door is gone, and thick smoke is pouring in. He sways, but he stays upright, managing to get Olivia to the window.


Part Three